Go ahead and grab a cup a coffee and let’s talk! I’m gonna be completely real. Balancing career and a love life or a desire to have a love life can be hard when your career-focused.

So a few years ago I had a pretty awesome debate with my future (Y’all we get married on April 4, 2019!) and with a few of his really good friends. All of which said they wanted someone who wasn’t so independent. I know, but keep reading.

Quickly, I discounted what they said because I knew them all pretty well… ok, at least I thought I did. They are all very successful career-focused men and even the women they have dated in the past were very strong and career-focused women. Not to mention my fiance’s past relationship and the fact that I’m very independent! But we did have a talk at the beginning of our relationship and I’ll share more about that later or better yet, maybe I’ll write something on having “that talk” in the beginning.

Ironically to me, they were all on the same page and it didn’t make any sense to me because like I said, I know the personalities of the women they’ve dated in the past, not to mention my own personality. Quite honestly, at that moment, I just thought they were all crazy and told them they really don’t know what they wanted. I then questioned saying, they want a woman that is strong but do they really know what that means? And even though I asked that question out loud, I felt like deep down inside women are doing the exact same thing. And you know I’m not lying.

Rocking my gold sparkle jacket for my
Vegas Golden Knights (VGK).
You can purchase it HERE.

Women say one thing but I’m not sure if women really know what they mean either. Think about it ladies. We say we want a man that is sweet and loving, but when he comes along, we find reasons to put him in the friend-zone. Y’all know, we do that rather easily. Or – if we find that strong confident man, why do we bump heads? We say we want him to lead but we challenge many of his decisions.

My reality. I know a lot of boss babes that are single and I equally know a lot of strong and sweet men that are also single.

So let me share with you what I have found out about what men are saying they want in a woman.

“I love a woman that can have a career and can do that thing, but her heartbeat home.” ~ Anthony Evans

“Doing what you are created to do, there is nothing more attractive than that.” ~ Carlos Whittaker

“Get the remote and put a little note on the back of it.” ~ Comedian Michael, Jr.

The above is an inside joke and you have to watch the Youtube clips (below) to find out why. And by the way, Carlos Whittaker used to lead worship at my church, The Crossing.

After more digging and doing some research what I have found is that many seem to be at this place in their life that they wanted someone who intentionally makes time for them. I can hear women saying now, I’m available, I’ll make time. Please, the right one approach me and come along! Okay you career focused-women, you know how we get when we get on our mission of accomplishing goals. Make time for what? And if we do, it’s usually on our timeframe. On the contrary, there are some that make time but only to find themselves to lose themselves AND you don’t want to do that!

Regardless, if your single and would like to meet your future or you are coupled up now. Below, I list 3 tips that have helped me and hopefully you can also incorporate them into your daily life. Now for the couples, you both have to commit together for it to work.

SET BOUNDARIES:

  • Single-Life: Whether it’s time you leave the office or how often you make time to get out. Let’s face it. If you are working long hours and never get out, how will you find someone? You might get lucky and find someone you work with but I wouldn’t put all my eggs in one basket. Set clear expectations at the office or your career life will bleed into your personal life and you will no longer have a personal life. If you’re thinking I just have too much to do. You will always have to much to do and if you don’t practice now how will you have time for that special someone? Not to mention, burnout.
  • Couple-Life: Again, whether it’s time you set that you leave the office by or how often you work from home, set boundaries. Communicate-communicate-communicate by setting clear expectations about how your careers will bleed into your life. You have to communicate to make this work. For example, make a rule that you don’t look at the phone when eating together or after 7 pm; or that you both will make Sundays your day. Let’s face it, career-focused people enjoy working so setting boundaries allow time for you both to enjoy each other. Set the boundaries and although nothing is ever perfect, live by them.

CARVE OUT TIME:

    • Single Life: It’s important to create regular time for yourself. It’s discipline and practice that creates the repeated behavior. If you don’t create the discipline you may begin to neglect yourself and how will you have time for someone else? Men love confident women. Men love a well-kept woman. Self-worth and a higher level of confidence are found in women who make more time for herself and who keep herself up. Check out this part II clip below regarding “What Men Wished Their Women Knew.”

DO THE 2-STEP DECISION APPROACH:

    • Single Life: Right now it is only you unless you have kids of course. But the first step to making a decision is about you. I think that as women sometimes we feel guilty because we think our kids should be our first decision for everything. I mean absolutely they are our pride and joy but make some decisions on what will be best for you as well or you may just wake up one day angry and bitter. Think about it, even when you are flying, the flight attendant states to first put on your mask first then your kids. If you are not in your right mind and happy, if you are not emotionally, physically, and mentally well, how do you think that will affect your kids?
      Couple Life: The first step at making a decision is about you, the second is your partner – unless, you married then definitely talk to each other about them before making them. What you are saying is your opinion matters and we are in this together. No longer are you operating in life independently, no matter how headstrong your personality. Your decisions now affect each other, and you have to recognize your partner has equal say. Prepare yourself to handle the consequences of the other person’s actions. Lastly, as you date, can you envision yourself being led by this man? Think about it. Even the best leaders know when to follow. See part II of the video below on “What Men Wished Women Knew.”
  • Couple-Life: It’s important to create regular time to spend together. Maybe you make special moments out of running errands or perhaps you exercise every Saturday together. You can also try scheduling a date night for every Thursday that can’t be rescheduled. The point is to find quality time together to look forward to and make it a priority. Lastly, once you get him, don’t let yourself go. Men are physical. Change up your looks every once in a while, get dolled up at times. Just don’t become complacent. Let him still hunt.

I’ll be quite frank, for years now, God has been working on me, touching my heart, and changing my thought process. I have to admit, I’m very thankful. My fiance loves the fact that I’m a hard worker, that I’m independent and not needy. But he loves even more than I make time for him. We do things that he likes as well as things that I like. He loves the fact that I make time to take care of him. Not that I’m his servant or maid but it reflects how much I admire him and appreciate him. He never asked me but I wanted to ensure that he feels as special as my friends and clients would feel. Think about it, why should your future deserve any less?

I’ve listed two videos to give you a little more visual on what men wished women knew about them. Going to warn you, that the videos are about 30 minutes long each and there is about 3 or more so minutes in the middle that you may want to fast forward or listen to. Totally up to you! But please do listen.

 

Check out these two clips by Priscilla Shirer
The Chat with Priscilla – What Men Wished Women Knew
(Part One & Two)

 

(Part I) Should women put themselves out there? Things that would cause a man to want to be in a committed married relationship. Why taking care of yourself is the first thing they are attracted to. (Part II) Dating bad boys and it happens. Men wanting to be known. What being submissive vs. leading really means. Sex and why so much. How some men are wired with intimacy through acknowledgment.

 

What I’m Wearing…

Gold Sequence | Amazon Great Find
Fannie Pack | Jessica Galindo
Belt | Gucci
Floral Dress | Almost Famous Clothing
Shoes | Christian Louboutin

 

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